These are the days I want to describe with the most accuracy, and they are the ones I remember the least – and for me, that’s probably for the best.
I have survived the past two days by sleeping twelve to fourteen hours in total, by drinking water even when I didn’t want it, and by brushing my teeth a lot. The vicious taste in my mouth is making everything taste and smell horrible; a generous and dogged application of toothpaste helps for a little while.
I gave myself permission to be restless, unclear, unhappy, worried, and uncomfortable. I also took certain medications for comfort, even though I knew they would irritate my intestines and require more meds to manage more side effects. So be it: This forty-eight hour period is a time to make hard choices without second-guessing or guilt.
I also have to say I just cried a lot. I let it out and didn’t fear it, and it made me feel better for a while. Then I would drink more water, take more medicine, try and get more sleep, and repeat, regardless of the clock or the position of the sun or moon. That’s all there is to do: to just wait and stay hydrated, and cherish every mouthful or stretch of unconsciousness as a victory.
medicinal sausage 